I have NEVER!!!!!! Monumental Moment....

Wow!

It's been a while since I graced this page with my presence.

As I was writing out a Facebook message to a friend, I realized I NEEDED to document this. HERE. For all those who can relate.

I typically have never been a finisher. I am a starter. I start out STRONG!!! BRAVE, courageous, and with the motivation of a squirrel on an energy drink (think HAMMY - Over the hedge). I think of many ways to do something, throw something together, and how it will benefit me, and others. BOOM!! You need a starter idea, I am your gal!!! I can pull out ideas like nobodies business. Then...

I get sidetracked. Distracted. Discouraged. Defeated. Beat up, by the one, the only, me. "You can't finish this. You never do. OH ya, what good is it that you can start all kinds of things, and never finish them. You may as well just quit. Throw it away. Give up. Don't bother. What a waste...." The voices inside my head. "You aren't consistent, and never will be."

When I moved out of my house on 7th street, and had to place things into storage, I realized I had a LOT of unfinished craft projects. I always told myself I wasn't that creative. I would, however, have the creativity to start a HUNDRED projects, but then I couldn't finish them. Yikes. Where did I lose motivation....here is what I realized today.

MOTIVATION IN THE MIDDLE

At the beginning of the project, I am full of the motivation of this amazing finished project. I can see what it's supposed to look like, and am so inspired!!! I will be the one putting the work in and I can reap the rewards.

After I have started, and now am in the middle of this project, I get distracted. Discouraged. I can't continue, because now it looks like garbage. It isn't looking anything like the finished project is supposed to. This is taking WAY to long...why does it have to dry for an entire day? If I can't do it all in one shot...I have no patience for this. Hence....all the half finished projects that graced the back doors off the MCC ;) You are welcome people that picked up the pieces and they are beautiful on your table, your wall, your bedroom dresser. Good for you. YAY. lol

I have never once, not that I ever recall, finished a craft project. Ever. Except for today. I am 37 years old. I have been "crafting" for as long as I can remember.

Today, I finished a project. Coincidentally, it is December 31, 2015. Ok it's no coincidence. The things God is imparting into me this year, are slow and steady. Keep moving forward. You don't even have to see the finished project, but you just need to take the next step. Just recently, he showed me that I can see where I am supposed to go, but I just don't know how I will ever get there. I then had to step back, and someone called me from the stairs that were right beside me. I just couldn't see them.  I was too focused on getting to the end, I didn't even pay attention that there WERE even stairs.  He has stairs for me. One at a time.

This message is for me. The middle is messy. The middle isn't glorified. The middle doesn't look anything like the finished project will.

I CAN get to the end.
I CAN finish something.
I CAN finish, STRONG. BRAVE. COURAGEOUS.

I WAS MADE FOR THIS.

Dreams

Last night I had a super weird dream.  I was driving towards Altona with a fellow Scentsy consultant, and all of a sudden she drove off the road!!!! Into the ditch and I noticed there was a HUGE hill coming up! As she drove up the hill, somehow I fell out of the car!!!! I was hanging onto the cliff, facing away from it, and hanging on for dear life.  Panic set in, and I knew I would fall if I didn't climb over the top.  Because I was facing AWAY from the cliff, this made it even more difficult because I saw how far down the ground really was.  Then what happened really struck me.  I pulled myself together, and told myself I could do this.  Nothing was stopping me, and nothing would hold me back.  I needed to only move my hands further back an inch at a time, and I would pull myself over the cliff!  I did this....I did it.  I knew that was a super accomplishment, and then, what was over the hill was nothing I expected.  A friend from long ago, was there working this machine that made cheese.  She told me I couldn't stay there she to be careful as to not get sucked into the cheese machine.  That part was really weird... lol I guess my dreams mimic my life 😄 I am weird. 

The part that really sank into my heart, was how I became calm, talked myself into pulling my body over the cliff,  and then how I did exactly that.  While being calm, and collected, pushing all the frazzling thoughts out of my mind. 

I can do this.

I can do hard things. 

Pull myself together,  and calmly pull myself over, one inch, one seemingly small inch, at a time. 

I write this not only to remind myself of this, but to encourage you.   You can do hard things, one small step at a time 💟

McCains' Deep'n Delicious

Almost every who knows me, knows I have a weakness...it's one that leaves NOTHING to be desired. It's amazing all by itself, and heaven knows how many times, that has been my go to, my fall back on, my comfort.  MMMMMMM Just thinking about it ACTUALLY is making my mouth drool.It's this....You guess it! McCains' Deep'n Delicious Chocolate Cake!Let me tell you a short story about this beautiful piece of art. The perfectly pointed peaks, atop the lusciously moist cake, in the ever so vulnerable aluminum pan. They pointed out something to me, that I didn't realize I didn't know!Once upon a time, in a far away land (Slave Lake, Alberta) I ate healthy THM meals twice a day. Breakfast and Supper and whatever I made Mike for supper, I ate that. SO I lost some weight, and was very excited about that. I ended up at 187 lbs, and that's where I stayed. Which, at that point, I didn't mind if I could continue eating whatever I wanted for supper and NOT worrying about gaining :)
One cold, wintery day, I was feeling super lonely. No family to talk to, only on the phone, didn't care to go out of the house. Yes, I had a few friends, but I really didn't feel like talking to any of them. I was by myself, and sometimes loved it...others, not so much. Anyway, I went to the grocery store, to buy a few items I was running low on. I carelessly walked past the freezer with the McCains cakes in it. I had promised myself to not eat things like this. But, apparently, my promises did NOT make it to my brain. But ALAS, I walked PAST it! YAYI continued throughout the store, not remembering a SINGLE thing that I was there to buy!! The one and only thing that I could REMEMBER, was that darned cake!! No word of a lie!! In a super weird moment, I felt like I had an out of body experience, and I walked over to the freezer, grabbed a cake, walked to the checkout (all the while my mind was screaming at me YOU DON"T WANT THAT!!!!). I paid for the cake, and whatever else I already had in my cart, and went out to the car.  Then I drove home, and on the way, cried. I bawled my eyes out that I had YET dissapointed myself by buying the cake I didn't want to buy, and when I got home, I ate it. I ate almost the entire pan, and was wallowing in my pity party, but the cake did make me feel better :) In one way, and horrible in another. It was that day that I realized I couldn't even resist that cake. I knew, at that moment, I was addicted to it. Sugar, and carbs. I knew something had to change.I believe that is the first day in my life, where I realized that food consumed me, instead of the other way around.  I look back on that day, and compare it to yesterday. I allowed myself a cheat treat yesterday, by buying cheesecake, and I gave half of it AWAY!! That doesn't normally happen here!!  This week has been anything but "on plan" and I am feeling it!! It just shows me how wonderful I feel when I eat better, take care of myself, and put into my body the good foods that nourish me :)So, when I can consume food, and it doesn't consume me....I am thankful for God's grace. His grace to take me this far, and keep leading me on :)  
x

Mile Marker!!!!

Four WEEKS??? Four WHOLE WEEKS???

YOU BETCHA!!!!

This is a mile marker for me!! ONE TIME, in my life, that I remember estimated dates for, I stayed on an eating plan (Atkins) and exercised fairly regularly.  ONE TIME!!!  WOWZERS  

When I found Trim Healthy Mama, I loved that I could eat satisfying "S" meals, and thought I could basically use the plan like I used Atkins. 

I was used to carb counting, and to be honest, I never moved past the induction stage, which is only supposed to be used for up to two weeks....I stayed on it the entire month because of the results it was giving me!! I lost a lot of weight, and felt amazing!!!  Then I went on a holiday. One week trip, and all my weight loss went DOWN THE TUBE.  Completely. I honestly, accidentally, bought a bottle of coke while gassing up along the road.  After four weeks of NO COKE...what in the world made me walk over to the cooler and decide on that? I don't know....but I didn't actually realize what I had done, until I got in the car, we drove away, and I opened it up, took a sip and BAM...realized it was COKE, and normally I would have chosen water!!!! Somehow, out of habit, I had grabbed a coke and didn't realize it. So, because I had nothing else in the car, I drank it. That started an entire week of binging on whatever I wanted. Whatever my heart desired. I was on HOLIDAYS!!!! WHY NOT??? Eat the food they said, it will be FUN they said....RIGHT

I came home, weighed myself, and to my detriment, I had gained back about half the weight that I had lost the previous month. GAHHHH Talk about a blow....So I tried to get back on the wagon, with short lived success. The food I had eaten previously didn't compare to the delectable tastes I had allowed myself the week before, and that stint was short lived. I went back on Atkins about 6-8 times after that, for about two weeks maximum, and failed each time.  I have tried multiple things, exercising, dieting etc. Never have I been able to say that I got past this FOUR WEEK MARK!!

So, this next week, is a great victory for me!! A GREAT VICTORY!!! Yes, I know it may sound silly, but trust me! This is HUGE!!  

Trim Healthy Mama has been a godsend to me, as I can eat things like waffles, and crepes etc...drink coffee, SWEET, and eat soup with sausage in it!!! WOW I am excited to see what the next four weeks brings!!!! I LOVE TRIM HEALTHY MAMA!!!

But don't think this is all about the eating. This has been a heart change. I have desired to be closer to God, and am trying to turn to Him for comfort, instead of "eating my feelings". And trust me, McCains chocolate deep and delicious cake is a great feeling ;) Reading the book MADE TO CRAVE by Lysa Terkeurst, has been an eye opening experience!! I know that this is very beneficial to me, and allowing God to change my heart, is the biggest thing. 

There you have it! I can't wait to tell you I bust through this mile marker like a .... well busted through it ;)

Thanks for reading!!!! 

The Harder The Struggle...

It's been a #THM day!!

Breakfast was a cup of coffee with my sugar free creamer, and one slice of little big bread, topped with butter and two eggs, with a TBSP of cottage cheese mixed in.

Lunch was buffalo chicken pizza on a half of Joseph's flatbread (flatbread, slightly toasted for crispness, ranch dressing for the sauce, taco chicken tossed in Franks red hot, topped with mozza cheese, and jalapeños baked to perfection under the broiler :) Add a cream soda Zevia to this and it was amazing!

Supper, will be taco soup, although part of me really REALLY wants the buffalo chicken pizza again!

For a snack I had a key lime (sucralose sweetened) Source 0% yogurt with a tsp of granola (maple-licious - it was my treat)

Yesterday, was not so good, but BOY am I thankful for those who lift me up in prayer and in words of encouragement!!

My biggest loser group rocks!!!

For exercise, Ive been running the stairs and walking in the country :)
The fresh air also does wonders for the mind :)

A lot of praying, self control, friends and a whole lot of Jesus :)

MMMMMM POP....

It's a delightful taste...and the bubbles, OH the bubbles!
A lovely friend of mine, Mandy, told me about the PC brand of water flavor enhancer, and that you could add it to sparkling water! SO, I did JUST that, and boy oh boy! YIPPEE found something that is stevia sweetened that I love! So, now I guess I will try the other two flavors as well! Peach Mango was my first choice!

I had that today, with my lunch of Josephs Lavash Bread rolled up with turkey, spinach, cream cheese, mayo and cheese...with a side of PICKLES!!!  I am feeling amazing lately, and I know that it is the way I am eating!! :) I am thankful for that! Is it easy? NOPE! But I can do this, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me :)

I am so excited for tomorrow, to be able to cheer everyone along with their accomplishments this week!!  Each person has different goals that they want to achieve during this 12 week biggest loser challenge, and mine is not just weight.  I am excited to feel my heart change this week, and how this has EVERYTHING to do with my eating habits.  I am so thankful for the change that I am feeling towards food, and that it is to nourish me, and that I am to turn to GOD for my comfort. Don't think I am perfect, cuz I am FAR FROM IT.  I am turning to Him, sometimes when this craving comes, sometimes AFTER I have thought about it for a few hours ;) See, lots of room for growth here! His grace is sufficient for me :)

Please don't be offended with me, if I bring my own coffee creamer to your house, or turn down your invite to dinner during the next 12 weeks! I promise, it's not cuz I don't like you!! LOL I just want to eat the best I can, to train my body to change it's dependence on sugar and carbs to a dependence to God :)  I love you, and would like nothing more than to sit and eat with you :) Just give me a little buffer zone!

Sincerely,

Maria

White toast and Strawberry Freezer Jam....

DROOL

White....toast....with strawberry JAM???!!!! WHY body, do you think you need this!!
LOL

In all honesty, that has been on my mind for the last two days....I know if I have just a "little bit" that I will NOT stop there. In the past, I have NEVER stopped there...EVER. 

This week has been fairly good for me, pretty easy, but something is causing me to trigger cravings of this sort. I am wondering, how many of you get this? When you want something that you are NOT wanting to cave to!! How do you handle this situation? 

I am learning to turn my craving to the Lord, and asking Him for help. This quote in the pic, I found convicting.  VERY. I realize that I don't think I have ever CRAVED the Lord, the way that I crave the food...in this case, strawberry jam on toast. 

I am thankful for His grace, aren't you? He leads me, He loves me, and He helps me.  




I prayed this prayer yesterday. GOD, please, I want to buy the Made to Crave book by Lysa Terkeurst. I feel that would help me break down your word, when it comes to my food cravings, and replacing them, with you. I'm going to ask Mike about it, and if he says buy it, I will.  

Before I could ask Mike...a very dear close friend of mine, sent me a text asking if I had found the book as of yet. I told her I hadn't, and she replied that she is going to get it for me, as a gift :) She didn't know my prayers....but God did. She didn't know how much I really wanted this book, but God did. God didn't want me to ask Mike...but ask HIM. Then, He impressed on someone else, who loves me, to do this for me! HE is good....and apparently thinks this book WILL help me get a grasp on His word when it comes to craving food :) IM EXCITED!!!

Day six, on a journey of 12 weeks....
Maria

DAY FOUR

Day FOUR of the biggest loser challenge!!

I am so enjoying myself right now, and am feeling great!! I thought I might try journalling this way, and I can look back on these, on my really hard days!

My workouts have been very minimal, but let me give you a rundown on what I did do!!

• Monday, Jillian Michaels, Tanya and I killed it on the 30 day shred. Then, I almost died....ok that MAY be a little dramatic!! :) LOL
• Tuesday, NOTHING...No remember I almost died...ya I TOTALLY did not feel like doing ANYTHING. No joke!
• Wednesday, 10 minutes on the spinny bike!! I almost couldn't make it, and felt like I was going to have to stop, BUT I pushed myself through it!! 
• Thursday, today, I rode on the spinny bike for 17 minutes!! GO MARIA GO! My goal was 10 minutes, but I figured I could do it!!! BOOYA

My eating, I am eating Trim Healthy Mama way!! I have time on my hands right now, to be able to cook and bless my family likewise (they like when I take time to cook ;) LOL and I am not feeling deprived, but today, I really wanted McCains cake...just saying!!!

For supper today I ate the MOST awesome salad!! Chicken breast, cooked then tossed in Frank's Red Hot ( I put that **** on ...not quite everything lol) Spinach/Romaine lettuce, black beans, easy corn, cheese, tomato, avocado, red onion and RANCH dressing! OH MY HEAVENS....it was good. 

I am feeling like YES I could do this.....

I am working through some emotional issues regarding my eating habits, and hopefully I can share them with you, and inspire you as well, one day :) Not today....

I am looking into buying the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. Find the book review here...Have you read it? If so, did you enjoy it!?? I think it will help me a LOT!! I just finished (ok I still have a few pages left) of The Best Yes, and it has been a LIFE CHANGER!! SO let me know if you have, and hopefully I can get my hands on it in the next week here!!

Thanks for reading, and guys, I do appreciate your comments!! You ROCK~!!! 

Day One

Day one...almost done.
Biggest Loser Challenge 2015

I found myself so excited to have people posting their weights today, and although I am at the heaviest I have ever been in my life, I am excited to see people starting this journey with me :)

The transformations that are going to be taking place in other's lives, is exciting!!! Of course, in mine as well.

I do know that in my life, little steps are going to be some of the hardest, and changing my MIND will be so much more important than changing my eating, or working out habits.  I want the changes in my HEART to be effective, so I never have this struggle again!

There are a few stories that I could tell you, and I will start with this one :)

When I was 15, I weighed 185 lbs. At this point, I was a sensitive teenager, who was overweight, and tried certain things to make myself skinny.  I starved myself, and when I thought I would die if I didn't eat something, I ate nachos. This went on for a little while, till I realized it didn't work anyway, so forget it. I faked sickness to get out of gym at school, other teenage girls are mean to chunky overweight super self conscious girls. Then, somehow, I don't remember how, I got a gym pass at the fitness centre in town. I went to step aerobics three times a week, and did weights three times a week. I did not change my eating habits, I had, however, starting smoking. After doing this for I don't remember how long (I think it was almost two years), at one point I ended up weighing 135 lbs. What happened next, was that I changed very much so, in my mind. I lost all that weight, and went from the overweight chunky girl, with a severe case of self consciousness, to a skinny girl who was getting all this attention from boys, and I liked that...a LOT.  That in itself, is another story for another day.

There I stayed for most of my teenage years, all the way through till I got pregnant. I spent the last three months of my pregnancy in the hospital on Demoral and ate almost ONLY toast and jam :) That's what you eat when you eat hospital food forever.

Long story short, I have tried to lose that 50 lbs that I gained with my pregnancy for years. Every which way. At one point I lost a lot of it, but gained it back so quickly I didn't even have time to say "Hey look! I am getting skinny!!" lol

This is day one of my biggest loser challenge, and I am doing good :) My body is running into the problem of not having SUGAR in it, so it's decided to give me a major headache. BUT I am dealing with it.  I know I am no longer that 15 year old (obviously) so it's harder, but I know that my heart and mind are what needs to be changed :) Not just my eating habits, and my exercise routine.

Today, I look forward to seeing the change in my physical body, that reflects the inside changes in my heart, and mind. I look forward to leaning on Jesus for that :) I can't do that by myself.

Annoyed....

Today, I find myself SUPER annoyed.

I decided that I should do some laundry, so the place where we are staying is fabulous, and we sleep upstairs from the main part of the house. Nice and quiet, lovely room, anyway, and the laundry is all the way downstairs in the basement.

So I make my first trek, down the stairs, to the main level, and down the stairs to the basement. Great! Laundry in, Maria ONE - Stairs ZERO tee hee hee....

Anywho, proceed UP the stairs to the main level of the house, and UP the stairs to the bedroom so that I can take the sheets off the bed, and wash those too. BUT WAIT, I get up there, start tidying and realize, oh look....a pile of laundry that needs doing as well. SO, because I am easily distracted, forget about the sheets, and grab the laundry and go DOWN the stairs and DOWN the next set to the basement, and place the laundry in the basket (doing it right away is a great idea...in theory). As I trek back UP the stairs, my knees begin to object. So a little slower, I make my way. UP the basement stairs to the main floor. PAUSE, make coffee, drink coffee, read part of my book....lol then I decide I need to go finish my bedroom. So, UP the stairs I go, even slower than before, because my knees are screaming at me "DON'T DO IT YOU IDIOT!! Don't go up the stairs, don't you know I HATE stairs??????? GAAAAHHHHH"

Anywho, I made it. Getting the sheets off the bed, walk down the stairs (OH look, this is a breeze no?) allll the way to the basement, and then I switch laundry. Then, it begins again. The oh so dreaded, my knees are on fire, walk up the stairs. MUCH slower, MUCH harder, and MUCH more painfully. GOOD GRIEF!! I have had knee problems for the last, oh say for sure 10 years, but come on!!! This is RIDICULOUS. I get to the top, catch my breath, and decide, I will go for a shower. And what do you think this requires???? GOING UP....ahhhh I think you get the picture! Maria ONE - Stairs....FOUR. POOP.

ANNOYED MUCH? I was...whatever gave you that idea! LOL
I started to really ponder this...at one point in my life, I lost some weight, and my knees didn't hurt at all. I ate NO bad carbs, and I felt great!! It took one stupid "accidental" bottle of pop, to ruin me, and I gained it all back, PLUS another few extra lbs...for good measure of course! {Another story, another day}

This Monday, I am beginning YET ANOTHER biggest loser challenge with a group of friends. I am thinking, this time, it could be mine. I could win this thing!! WHY? After five other challenges I have done, HOW could I possibly do it this time....????

Simply put, I hurt. Do you know how many guts it takes to say YUP I have failed in this weight loss journey multiple times, and every time fell OFF the wagon? AND NOW I think I have the cajones to say I am going to WIN? Ya....I feel like I might just burst out in tears at this point.  I don't know if this will even be published, but I really needed to write it.

I discovered THM {Trim Healthy Mama} last Christmas, after a lady in our church used it to lose a lot of weight, and she looks GREAT!! AND she has had a kid or two more than me ;) (lol lol - ok a few) She told me about it, and I loved the idea of it. I used my Christmas money to buy myself the book, and it's amazing. I have used it to lose weight, and most of all, it's changing my mindset about food, and my way of eating.

{Read a little about her inspirational story HERE and ALSO HERE:) } It has made me realize some things in my life that are not as they should be. I like real, I like real stories, and I like real people.

SIDE NOTE: I recently am going through a HUGE life transition, and I have thrown it all away and gained most of my weight back....very long story, for another day.
But THM is helping me.

I hear stories like mine all the time. I couldn't lose it. When I did, I gained it back. I am an emotional eater, when I am sad, I eat. When I am angry, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. When I work out for a few days in a row, I get so excited, so I "reward" myself with...what else? FOOD. McCains deep and delicious to be specific. So in my mind, I am no different than any of these other people, and I can't ever do this.

BUT, being in a THM community (online) has helped me realize that my story is NOT alone. My story is NOT the only one of it's kind, and that this story CAN be changed!!! IT CAN!!!

So here's me, being open, honest and transparent saying, I'm doing this. I may not win the biggest loser weight wise, but I will sure try. I will also win the battle in my mind. That's the hardest one. With Jesus' help.

Hi, my name is Maria ,and I am addicted to carbs, and find comfort in eating, but this is NOT the end of my story.

My goal? To break the carb addiction, and find comfort in Jesus and His word, instead of food :) And to lose 15 lbs in the next 12 weeks.